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ROSE OPENGART ADOPTS
by China Goodie
Many of you in AMC know Rose, and if you know Roser you would know that she and her husband are in the process
of adopting a baby girl from Guatemala. But many of you probably dont know that
the long and bureaucratic process that Ken and Rose have been going through can be a very emotional roller coaster ride. Can you imagine only having a picture of your new baby girl and know that she is hundreds
of miles away? Or fearing that the foreign country might change their adoption
policies and you may lose her? International adoptions are difficult and expensive,
but there are numerous reasons for people to choose it even with these obstacles.
There are humanitarian reasons, like in China, where girls are not as prized as boys and couples can have only one
child. According to Rose, China is the only country where there are more girls
available than boys. There are also Russian, Korean and other Eastern European
countries offering adoptions. One reason Rose and Ken chose Guatemala was because
it offers private adoptions utilizing foster care, allowing for healthier children than would be found in many orphanages.
Yet in stark contrast, the countryside of Guatemala is poverty-stricken and lacking in adequate prenatal care and nutrition. In these rural small villages, 50% of Guatemalan children die before they turn seven
years old. That is why Rose keeps asking for donations of formula, medicine,
and toys!
Ken and Roses first step in the forays of international adoption in November 2002 was a home study. They used an agency called All Gods Children, located in Bogart, which assessed their family history, values,
goals, and understanding of the risks involved in adoption. There were scores
of interviews with a social worker and a criminal background check as well as a basic physical examination. This process took three months, with the interviews held in different environments. The next step was putting together a dossier, which consists of approximately 25 documents, which had to
be notarized, certified in the county of the notary, authenticated at the Guatemalan consulate, and then sent to Guatemala
to be translated. These documents included things such as a marriage license,
doctors note, letter from police on criminal background, fingerprints, reference letters, and more.
With the dossier in hand, the adoption process can formally begin. Guatemala
is one of the few countries that allows the adoptive parents to specify the desired gender of the child. She and Ken wanted a sister for Zachary, so after
months of paperwork and anxiety they received a picture and some medical information of a beautiful little girl. Her given birth name was Maria del Rosario, and although they had chosen the name Juliana, they decided
to honor her heritage by keeping her name as a middle name Juliana Maria. Another
great advantage to adopting in Guatemala is the ability to go visit the child while the adoption is in process. They made their first trip in early July and spent the entire weekend together.
Prior to March, adoptions
in Guatemala were averaging 4-6 months from the time of referral (which was April for Rose & Ken). Unfortunately, the rules changed in Guatemala in March, and after a fright in June that Guatemala may suspend
all adoptions, they have announced that all cases in progress will be completed. However,
delays have already occurred and will continue while they determine what new procedures they want implemented. Now Rose & Ken can only wait and hope to have their baby home before the end of fall.
I saw Rose after her trip to Guatemala, and she showed me pictures of her baby girl.
She and Ken have already bonded with her and feel she is already part of their family.
Lets hope that the adoption process is not that much longer and we will all soon meet the new member of the Opengart
family. In the meantime, Rose is planning on another trip to visit for Labor
Day weekend, so if any one has toys and/or unopened formula or medicine, please give them to Rose so she can give them to
someone who distributes them to the poor. On her last visit, she learned that
even the pregnant mothers drink formula and are grateful for whatever assistance they receive.
Announcements
Congratulations!
Penny
Miller gave birth to Megan Miller on Wednesday, July 2 at 12:28 p.m. weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces.
Jennifer
Duncan gave birth to Caroline Mae Duncan on Friday, July 11th at 1:58 a.m. weighing 8lbs, 10oz. & 20 in.
Jenny
Wise gave birth to Sonja Julianna Wise July 21st at 3:38 p.m. (after 29 hours of labor) at 7 lb, 14 oz. & 20
in.
Jenny Oliaro gave birth to Claire Veronica Oliaro on Monday, July 28th
at 11:45 a.m. weighing 7 lb, 14 oz.
Expectant Moms:
Cammie
Sanders, July 22
Jenny
Oliaro, July 23
Jackie
Henderson, September 19
Cindy
Croley, October 7
Marilyn
Hall, October 18
Rose
Opengart, Fall
Christine
Dean, December 31
Mary Lauren Schroeder, February
Getting To Know You Group
By Jenny Oliari
This summer Ive enjoyed
leading the Getting to Know You Group. So far, weve discussed where were from,
where weve traveled, early childhood, high school, college and work experiences.
The first week we
discussed geography and discovered that there are only three states that have not been visited or lived in by someone in the
group. They were Vermont, New Hampshire and North Dakota. Stephanie Loftin was
our only native Athenian but moved away when she was one and returned to finish school at UGA.
We also had international representatives: Kay Sunta from Lesotho, Africa, China Goodie from Okinawa, Japan and Zarina
Mc Carthy from Tijuana, Mexico. Mari Coleman was born in Rio Piedras, Puerto
Rico. People have also lived abroad including: Germany, Mexico, Japan, South
Africa, Costa Rica and England. Most of us ended up in Athens for our husbands
job or to attend UGA. Some people would like to move, others would like to stay
here forever if possible.
If youre looking
to travel internationally China Goodie recommends Munich for the pretzels, beer and museums.
Mari Coleman would suggest Switzerland for its beauty, oh and great chocolate. Brussels, Belgium is very cute, with
friendly people according to Zarina McCarthy. Whitney Boyd would like to go back to Costa Rica for the Howler (sp?) monkeys!
Montreal and British Colombia are
recommended by Dawn Avant and Kathy Gaffney, respectively, if youre looking to head north. Paris is highly recommended by both Stephanie Loftin and Sherry Anderson. If you dont have a passport, group members suggest checking out Boone, NC , Cape Cod, Chicago, or the Gulf
Coast.
Now, would you be able to guess which AMC members held the
following occupations: professional gift wrapper, tutor for football players, financial planner assistant, flight attendant,
worked for a film company, P. E. teacher, marketing researcher, archaeology, lifeguard and pre-k teacher? Well, Lindsey Shiver is our professional gift wrapper, so someone
sign her up for that fundraiser at Borders! Jennifer Di Novo tutored football
players in college and worked on a dairy farm. Kelly Wiedower is our finanical
planner assistant. Angie Lorrain was a flight attendant but does not recommend
it as a career choice! Kris Petti worked for a film company in Miami. Zarina McCarthy was a former P.E. teacher and tennis coach. Cindy
Croley is a former marketing researcher. Kathy Mulchrone worked in the archaeology
field but also at a auto body shop! Mari Coleman, Kelly Wiedower and Angie
Lorrain all taught preschool or pre-K. And me, I was a lifeguard in high school.
Believe it or not,
members attended colleges besides UGA! For those of you who dont know, my husband
and I both attended Georgia Tech, so we often feel we are the only ones in town who arent with THE university. Anyway., other colleges attended by AMC members include: Newberry College (South Carolina), Loyola University
(Chicago), University of Cincinnati, Xavier University, University of Nebraska, Georgia State University , Mississippi State,
Florida State University, University of Maine and of course University of Georgia.
Weve had a great
time learning new things about each other. For the rest of the quarter, well
be discussing hobbies, interests, favorite movies, books, food and our families during our time left. Thanks to everyone who is participating in our group!
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TODDLER MANAGEMENT & DISCIPLINE
By: Dawn Avant
Contrary to popular belief,
the word discipline is not synonymous with punishment. Discipline actually means,
training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior. So
when I inquired about toddler discipline, I got a variety of responses. In order
to sort things out for myself, I did some research.
Dr.
Thomas W. Phelan created 1-2-3 Magic for children 2-12 years old. The principle
behind the program is simple: Repetition.
Phelan says that parents talk too much and allow emotions control discipline.
He asserts that parents are under the Little Adult Assumption. Our children
are not little adults and thus have limited reasoning abilities. Here is an example
of 1-2-3 Magic.
Scenario: Your child asks for a cookie before dinner.
Child: Can I have a cookie?
Parent: No, we will have dinner in fifteen minutes.
Child: But, I want a cookie.
Parent: Thats one.
Child: Im hungry! I cant wait fifteen minutes.
Parent: Thats two.
Child: You are so mean. Im going to starve.
Parent: Thats three. Take five.
At this point, the
child would go to his room for five minutes. When five minutes is up, the parent
would tell the child that time is up, but there is no further discussion. There
is no emotion, no nagging, and no lecturing. If the child repeats the offense,
the procedure is repeated. There are several variations and some tasks require
an immediate timeout. According to Dr. Phelan, the child should be allowed to
do whatever he wishes in his room, except watch television, play video games, talk on the phone, and visit with a friend. This works for behaviors we are trying to stop (i.e. whining, fighting, etc.). For behaviors we want to start (i.e. going to bed without trouble, getting up in the
morning, feeding pets, etc.), Phelan advocates charts and docking. Docking involves
taking away some amount of money when someone else must do a required task.
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Pros with 1-2-3
Magic:
- Punishment is short and sweet
- Punishment is immediate
- Takes less than 10 days to work depending on your child (assuming you follow the plan)
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Cons with 1-2-3
Magic:
- Some parents fear the child will dislike his room. (Phelan
disagrees.)
- It may be difficult for parents to control the emotion and be consistent.
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Another program is Parenting with Love and Logic. Developed by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay, this program is geared toward teaching
children responsibility while the price is still relatively small. Similar to
1-2-3 Magic, Love and Logic uses no emotion and no lectures while enforcing the rules.
There is no counting in this program and it is advocated for very young toddlers through teenage years. (There are special books and videos to help with toddler discipline.)
According
to Cline and Fay, there are some basic commands that must be learned by 18 months of age.
They call these Basic German Shepard. Like with dog training, the commands
are come, sit, go, no, and stay. The basic idea is that we cannot force a child
to comply with the commands, but we can remove them from the situation for failure to comply.
Again, the bedroom time is used as a regrouping opportunity rather than a punishment.
With these basic commands, the authors remind us that we should stick with moderate expectations rather than very strict
ones. As the child ages, the program changes to incorporate more choices. For example, toddlers could be given a choice of a red play outfit or a blue play
outfit. An older child may be given the choice of joining the soccer team
or the basketball team. In both examples, the parent finds both choices acceptable
and the child feels capable of making such a choice, because they are age-appropriate.
The following is an excerpt from the book, Parenting with Love and Logic, which demonstrates the procedure with a dinner
dilemma.
Scenario: Mom, Dad and Baby are sitting at the table for dinner. After a short time eating, Baby throws food onto Dads plate. Then she begins hitting her high chair tray. Now she is trying
to climb out of her chair.
According to this program the appropriate response would be to offer Baby a choice--Would you like to eating nicely
or would you like to play in the floor? Either option is fine with the parents,
because they will be able to eat in peace. Baby will have the power to choose. If she chooses to play in the floor and is hungry, she will learn that she should
eat before misbehaving at dinner. If she was no longer hungry, there is no harm
done. The important aspect of this situation is that there were no threats, no
anger, and no fighting words.
If you do
not feel pulled to read one of the authors mentioned, there are some things that seem to be universal. According to several experts, these techniques can be used with toddlers successfully.
1.
Take Toys AwayTake a toy away for a few minutes if it is being abused.
If the child still abuses the toy after its return, take it away for an afternoon.
Any longer than a few hours is inconsequential, because the child will forget about it.
2.
Losing a Parents AttentionSimilar to a time-out, rather than removing the child the parent removes his or her attention
for a given period of time.
3.
Traditional Time-OutRemove the child from the situation causing the problem.
With a toddler, it may be necessary to physically walk the child to the designated area and stay with the child (without
communicating) for the length of the time-out. Time-outs should be no longer
than one minute per year of the childs age.
4.
Mealtime is OverIf a child begins throwing food, remove the food for a minute or two. A hungry child will protest. If the child protests, return
the food. If more food throwing occurs, mealtime is over.
Ultimately,
we want to encourage good behavior. In other words, we want to manage our toddlers
rather than punish them. Here are some ideas from Dr. William Sears website (http://www.askdrsears.com/).
1.
Give a safe outlet for climbing. If there is not safe place
in the house, take the child to a park to run, climb, and play.
2.
Provide an opportunity for him to experiment. Try playing with water outside
or in the tub.
3.
Plan ahead and anticipate your childs needs. Take snacks and drinks for
outings. Dont try to stretch errands when the child needs a nap.
4.
Provide regular routines. A routine does not need to be very structured. Follow simple guidelines like breakfast, then teeth brushing, and then put on clothes.
I hope that you have a new insight into toddler discipline. There are
some books and videos available at the Athens-Clarke County Library. Many of
the authors have websites to gain more information.
Here is a
list of other authors recommended by AMC members. I have not researched these
authors, yet; however, I did look up some information about their philosophy. These
are excerpts from the publishers.
- T. Berry Brazelton--Discipline:
The Brazelton Way shows how the normal growth spurts can lead to conflicts and testing behavior. For each problem, Drs. Brazelton
and Sparrow offer both understanding and practical solutions. Full of empathy,
warmth, and wisdom, each book in the Brazelton Way series leads parents step-by-step through these trying struggles.
- Dr. William Sears--
The Discipline Book--With a focus on preventing behavior problems as well as managing them when they arise, the Searses offer
clear, practical advice on everything parents need to know about disciplining young children. Believing that discipline starts
at birth, the Searses discuss baby discipline, disciplining the toddler, mother-father roles in modern parenting, saying no,
self-esteem as the foundation of good behavior, helping a child to express feelings, the constructive use of anger, good nutrition
for good behavior, and sleep discipline.
- Dr. James DobsonThe Strong-Willed Child, Discipline with Love, Bringing
Up Boys, and The New Dare to Discipline-- Children
need love, trust, affectionand discipline. From one generation to the next, the challenge of helping children into responsible
adults doesn't change. Dr. Dobson's classic Dare to Discipline, a practical, reassuring guide for caring parents, has sold
over 2 million copies since its release in 1970. What gives a book that kind of staying power? The ability to meet a real,
felt need in the marketplace. Today, a whole new generation of parents is turning to Dr. Dobson's wise counsel. Some things
never change.
- Dr. John RosemondParent
Power and Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children--Take
care of your marriage first, then the kids; expect children to obey and they will; make children accept responsibility for
their behavior and for household chores; say no to your child and you will build character; restrict toys--too many will limit
a youngster's imagination; and keep television-viewing to a minimum or youths will become passive and won't develop an interest
in reading.
Other Resources:
www.parent.com
www.parentingtoddlers.com/toddlerdiscipline.html
www.todaysparent.com
www.parenting.com
AMC Listserv
AMC ListservThe listserv is a convenient
and easy way to keep in touch with AMC happenings, even if you miss a meeting. If
you are not on the listserv and would like to be, e-mail China Goodie at china64@netzero.net or call at 548-5514. If
there are any problems or questions about listserv, please e-mail me directly and do not post to listserv
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